70 Funny Nurse Jokes That Will Make Any RN Smile

Nurses are the unsung heroes of healthcare. They work long shifts, handle impossible situations, and somehow still manage to smile. But let’s be honest—sometimes, you just have to laugh to survive. Whether you’re a nurse yourself, a nursing student, or someone who appreciates their hard work, these funny nurse jokes will give you a well-deserved break from the chaos of the hospital floor.

From hilarious medical puns to relatable nursing struggles, these jokes are RN-believably funny and perfect for lightening the mood. So grab a coffee, take a deep breath, and enjoy these 50 nurse jokes that will have you laughing like a patient on too much anesthesia!

🤣 Classic Nurse Jokes

Illustration of a nurse drawing blood from a seated man, with text: "Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work? In case she needed to draw blood!" Light, humorous tone.

Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work?
In case she needed to draw blood!
Why don’t nurses ever play cards?
Because they don’t want to deal with hearts!
What’s a nurse’s favorite type of music?
Hip-hop (especially for broken hips)!
Why did the nurse take a ladder to work?
Because she wanted to climb the career ladder!
Why did the nurse carry a stethoscope everywhere?
Because she never wanted to miss a heartbeat!
What do you call a nurse who gives shots with attitude?
A sassy-nurse (anesthesia)!
How do nurses cheer each other up?
They give each other IV—Incredible Vibes!
Why did the nurse sit on the thermometer?
To get a reading on the situation!
How do nurses handle stress?
They “syringe” it out!
What’s a nurse’s favorite type of shoes?
Crocs—because after a 12-hour shift, they feel like walking on clouds!

😂 Relatable Nursing Struggles

Illustration of a nurse wearing scrubs and a mask, raising a finger. Text reads, "Why do nurses love holidays? Because for once, they're not the ones handing out the shots!"

Why do nurses love coffee?
Because without it, they’d have no pulse either!
What do nurses and GPS systems have in common?
They both say, “Recalculating” about a hundred times a shift!
How do you know a nurse is exhausted?
When she tries to check her patient’s pulse on a mannequin!
Why don’t nurses go to therapy?
Because their coworkers are their unofficial therapists!
How can you tell if a nurse is having a bad day?
The IV pump beeps, the call lights flash, and her patience runs out!
What’s a nurse’s worst nightmare?
A full bladder and no time for a bathroom break!
What’s the difference between a nurse and a magician?
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats; a nurse pulls miracles out of impossible situations!
What do nurses say when a shift finally ends?
“I survived another episode of Grey’s Anatomy… in real life!”
Why do nurses love holidays?
Because for once, they’re not the ones handing out the shots!
What’s a nurse’s favorite vitamin?
B-12, as in “Be Twelve Hours Over Already”!

🩺 Funny Nurse and Patient Jokes

Cartoon of a person coughing, with text: "What's the worst thing to hear from a patient? 'I read about this treatment on Facebook...'" The tone is humorous.

What’s a patient’s favorite part of going to the hospital?
The “Netflix and IV” service!
Why did the patient go to the doctor in a panic?
He googled his symptoms and diagnosed himself with a serious case of “I Shouldn’t Have Googled My Symptoms”!
What do you call a patient who refuses to follow medical advice?
A “Code Stubborn”!
Why did the nurse get in trouble with the doctor?
Because she told a patient, “You’re in great hands,” and then the doctor walked in!
What do nurses say when patients complain about waiting too long?
“I understand. I’ve been waiting for my lunch break for six hours too.”
Why do nurses love pediatrics?
Because at least kids don’t complain as much as adults!
What’s the best way to get a nurse’s attention?
Press the call light when they’re in the middle of charting!
What’s the worst thing to hear from a patient?
“I read about this treatment on Facebook…”
Why do nurses love elderly patients?
Because they have the best stories and the best excuses for flirting!
What’s a nurse’s response when a patient says, “This won’t hurt, will it?”
“Only if you don’t pay your hospital bill!”

🤣 Hospital and Medical Puns

Cartoon nurse serving espresso to a patient receiving a coffee transfusion. The caption reads, "Why did the nurse get kicked out of the blood bank? She kept asking for a transfusion of espresso!"

“I told my patient he had acute pain. He said, ‘Thanks! I’ve been working out!'”
“Nurses are like socks—they hold everything together but still get walked all over!”
“Why did the nurse get kicked out of the blood bank? She kept asking for a transfusion of espresso!”
“Being a nurse means keeping your patients alive, even when they make bad decisions.”
“Nursing is 90% caffeine, 10% dry shampoo, and 100% running on empty!”
“I love nursing—it’s like regular life, but with more needles and screaming.”
“Shift change: The most dangerous time in the hospital when all the problems are passed to someone else!”
“How do nurses celebrate at the end of a long shift? By sleeping for three days straight!”
“Nurses don’t sweat—they glisten with hard work and stress!”
“Ever wonder why nurses have such great reflexes? Try dodging bodily fluids on a daily basis!”

🦠 Covid & Pandemic Humor

A cartoon toilet paper roll winks and points, alongside the text: "2020 made nurses realize two things: handwashing matters, and toilet paper is currency." Playful tone.

“The only thing more contagious than Covid is a nurse’s sarcasm.”
“Quarantine turned everyone into a nurse—hand sanitizer, masks, and no personal space!”
“During the pandemic, nurses got so good at PPE changes, they can now change outfits faster than superheroes!”
“2020 made nurses realize two things: handwashing matters, and toilet paper is currency.”
“Covid showed us that nurses are not just frontline workers—they’re frontline warriors.”

😂 More RN-believably Funny Nurse Jokes

Illustration of a smiling nurse in blue scrubs, pointing to a humorous quote about ER shifts. Lighthearted and playful tone.

“A nurse’s motto: Eat. Sleep. Chart. Repeat.”
“Behind every great doctor is an even better nurse making sure they don’t mess up.”
“Nurses don’t age. They just gain more experience points in stress management.”
“The only drama nurses care about is when the IV pump won’t stop beeping!”
“You know you’re a nurse when caffeine and adrenaline are your two main food groups.”
“Nursing school teaches you many things… like how to survive on 4 hours of sleep.”
“Why do nurses love ER shifts? Because every hour feels like a season finale of a medical drama!”
“Being a nurse is like being a detective, a therapist, and a superhero—all in one shift!”
“Only nurses can go from handling bodily fluids to eating lunch in under five minutes.”
“What’s a nurse’s superpower? The ability to function on no sleep and 3 cups of coffee!”

Final Thoughts

Nursing is one of the hardest but most rewarding jobs out there. While long shifts, patient chaos, and never-ending paperwork can be overwhelming, a little humor goes a long way. These 50 nurse jokes are a reminder that sometimes, the best way to survive is to laugh through the madness.

Share these with your fellow nurses, post them in your break room, or just keep them handy for when you need a good laugh after a rough shift. After all, laughter is the best medicine—next to coffee!

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